Right after I left a ministry that I had been in, I had a dream.
During that time of leaving the ministry I felt that I had missed it, I wasn't spiritual
enough. Terrible things were being said about me and I felt that I had lost my salvation
even. The Lord showed me this chapter Hebrews 4. I read it then and I went Huh?
I went several years and became "stuck" on what resting in the Lord really meant.
have "JUST" got it this last spring....I have a hard head. Now the Lord is
adding to it and being to show me about resting in his righteousness.
Psalms 37 also was a big factor in all this.
I wanted to share the dream with you. It was meant for me in that particular
situation but it gave such sweet comfort.
"I dreamed that two nations were occupying a land of desert. I was in charge
of the part of the land that belonged to my nation. Alyssa was a baby and I took her
into one of the cafes for something to eat. Then it was like I rose up out of the
earth and saw that my land was all used up.
The next thing I see that I am in the midst of misty white fog (or cloud),
In the mist was a tall man slender man, 5'10 to 5'11 in a white and blue robe (satiny).
He was watching me get my bearings straight. I looked to his feet and started to slowly
gaze upwards guiding my eyes up his torso. He had the kindest expression. He had a beard. I
did not recognize who he was at first but his presence gave Him away.
He took my shoulders and I looked square in HIs eyes. I realized I was in the presence
of someone holy and righteous. I felt that I shrank back in my spirit because He knew
everything there was about me. His gaze penetrated straight through to my very being.
This was my Savior. I then took my arms and hugged his chest and felt I was finally home.
I felt my hugging him was not adequate and felt compelled to the floor to kiss his feet.
In my dream I knew it was a dream because I knew when this did happen that his glory
would instantly knock me off my feet. But in this dream he was very gentle like introducing
a baby to something for the first time. I must have rose back up and started hugging
his chest again because I suddenly was hugging Jesus again. He whispered in my ear,
"You belong to me."
That dream had everything to do with the Hebrews 4 chapter that the Lord had given me.
The two nations were my will versus God's will. I was all used up in my own
strength (my part of the nation was used up) and that I had to let go so God
could perform his mighty power in my life. The desert represented the natural side of
me not the supernatural sprit man. Of coarse the man I was speaking of was Jesus and
the blue in his robes represented the Holy Spirit.
He was telling me that it was time to start giving in to the love that God had
waiting for me and stop trying to do things in my own will...even the ministry!
My own works was like rotting stinking flesh..dead works did not please Him.
But when we opened ourselves and said "here i am Lord, use me anyway you feel fit,
no agendas, no outlines of what I want you to do.. just here am i,
no strings attached." This is what was pleasing to God...This was truly obedience.
God is still telling me how he wants to use me. And as long as I don't get my
agenda's and "pride" in there than I am doing fine and I hear from the Lord.
If I haven't heard from the Lord and my bible reading becomes labored and I feel
that I am the one holding up the bible reading and trying to "create" revelation,
than I have to step back and usually I have stepped back into that spirit of pride,
look at me, type of thing that I was guilty of so long ago. I repent and then go on.
Even after I had the dream I did things in my own way...God is still perfecting
this in my path. In insisting on doing things my way, the Lord let me go my in
my own strength and it was very miserable indeed. I did not have what it took to
continue on the path that I had laid out for myself.
It has taken about eight years for me to come to this.
Last spring the Lord started dealing with me again in a little four square church,
I went to visit this church in the spring 2001 and the pastor spoke on a lot of
issues on abandonment and how his family disowned him over money...very similar
to the issues in my life over money and abandonment with my aunt. I just sat there
and cried uncontrollably again. I kept saying “Lord I thought that I was over this”....
(well I wasn’t, and the Lord told me He was delivering me a step more) The thing
that had happened was that I had went to a women's meeting the week before and this
lady from Australia came up to me and told me that the Lord was going to reveal something
wonderful in a few days. That next Sunday I went to church and that was when the sermon was given.
The Lord told the lady to come over and sit next to me. She did not know that the Lord was mightily
on me. I was trying to keep the tears back but when she sat down I just gave in a wept and
wept...in the middle of the sermon. I am sure there were people really wondering....
I didn't care. The Lord told me that he was dealing with me again because like before
I was in place spiritually that He could work with me...my spirit was tender...
and i believe it had to do with the state of pregnancy I was in. I never saw the lady
again because she went back to Australia. Before this time, I was away from God.
I had given up on myself not God. I just couldn't do it. But God is the God of second
chances and He never gives up on His children.
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